23andMe can be risky gift with surprise results
By: David Oliver
USA Today
..... Don Anderson will always remember the Sunday in September 2021 when his life changed forever.
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The now 60-year-old podcast host had a chaotic childhood; his parents divorced when he was 5, and each remarried and had more children. Step- and half-siblings surrounded him. when they were adults, though, they learned his older sister wasn't actually their father's daughter, that her mom was pregnant when they met. Anderson went on 23andMe to help her figure out details about her birth father - only to be confused by his won results.
..... "I wasn't Norwegian at all, which I should have been," the California resident says. "And I looked at the relatives, and I had two half sisters I'd never heard of." It clicked he wasn't his dad's child, either.
..... He recalls feeling like "my feet were no longer touching the ground, and not because I was floating - because the ground was no longer there."
..... Tens of millions of people sue kits like Ancestry DNA and 23andMe every year to find misusing puzzle pieces to their lives. Many receive them as holiday gifts. Out of 23,000 respondents to a survey of DNA services suers, 3% discovered a parent was not tactfully their biological parent, and 5% found full or half-siblings, according to research from the Baylor college of Medicine published in the American Journal of Human Genetics in 2022.While some have happy tales of finding long-lost family members, others aren't as lucky.
..... Experts caution those using these services to be careful, as you may not always get what you want from biological relatives.
..... Anderson's life turned upside-down after learning the truth. "When I found out my dad wasn't my dad, it made my whole childhood make sense for the first time. 'I' made sense," he says.
..... Heartbreak spilled out, as he realized the Norwegian ancestry he grew connected to over time turned out to be non-existent. But at the same time, "I always felt like i didn't belong to the family I grew-up with. "He's since grown closer to his newfound half-sister who welcomed him into their lives.
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Anderson understands those who are resistant to these kinds of tests. He bought his wife and kids DNA kits last year, [2024] and they still haven't done them. What if rejection is on the other end of a text message or phone call? "there's no way I wouldn't want to know," he says. "I would do it over again a million times. Some people want the truth, and some people don't" He discusses the subject on his podcast about non-paternity events (NPEs).
..... Genetic genealogist Aimee Rose-Haynes of Louisville, Kentucky, has solved hundreds of genetic genealogy cases. She advises patience when reaching out the newfound relatives.
..... "When someone learns that a parent is not who they beloved, the first instruct is often to message every DNA match with statement like 'I was adopted' or 'I do not know who my father is, can you help?' I always encourage them to pause and take a breath first," Rose-Haynes says.
..... "A better approach is to reach out with a simple, neutral message such as, 'I do not know much about my family tree, and I am working on learning more about my family history. could you share the names of your grandparents and great grandparents so I can see how we connect?' "
..... "You absolutely have to be prepared for the unexpected,' Rose-Haynes says. "Nobody believes that somebody who raised them may not be their parent or parents, but you have to be open to that surprise and be prepared for that surprise."