Dos and dont's as a college grad moving home

By: Megan Burrow
NorthJersey.com
USA Today Network - New Jersey

..... Before Christine Eubank's son Nicholas moved back home after graduating form Binghamton University in May, [2023] they had a talk about living together again.
..... Nicholas had grown used to his independence after having his own apartment off campus for several years.
..... And Eubank, a single parent, had become accustomed to cooking fewer meals and having more time to herself.
..... "We had several conversations about what it would be like. I didn't want to fall int cooking every night, or going grocery shopping all the time,: she said.
..... We've struck a balance. He night leave the occasional dish in the sink, but he's been helping out around the house and picking up some of the bills."
..... That kind of open communitarian is key as many parents and recent graduates find themselves in similar situations this summer, [2023] living together after four or more years apart, said Jonathan Caspi, a therapist and professor of family science and human development at Montclair State University.
..... Parents' expectations, and those of their chunder, who have enjoyed some relative freedom for four years, don't always match when the graduate return home, Caspi said.
....."Families function with a lot of unspoken rules, and then those rules can lock in a kind of time suspension," he said. "They leave as kids and come back as adults, but the family rules remain the same."
..... To ease tensions and prevent misunderstandings, parents and young adults should be open and flexible with each other, he said.
..... Instead of saying, "this is my house, and you must live by my rules," parents can be upfront with expectations about things like family meals, suing the car and saying when they are coming and going.
..... "The more people have conversations and put it in the open, and not assume things will just go smoothly, the better off families are," Caspi said.

Hard to afford an apartment in NJ

..... The price of housing in the state has made affording an apartment out of reach for most college graduates.
..... A study last year [2022] by the Housing and Community Development Network of New Jersey found that the state was the seventh-most-expensive location in the country averaging $1,628 a month.
..... To afford that apartment, a renter would need to make at least $65,00 a year, or $31.32 an hour, according to the affordable housing nonprofit.
..... ReCafe, in its recent Rental Competitive Report, showed North Jersey, which includes Bergen, Essex, Hudson and Passaic Counties, as one of the most competitive rental markets in the nation, due to high home prices, tight housing supply and inflation.
..... Those factors, combined with a job market that has showed sings of slowing for entry-level positions, have made New Jersey the state with the highest percentage of people ages 18 to34 living with their parent,s said Parul Jain, an associate professor in the Finance & Economic Department at Rutgers Business School

More college grads move back home in NJ

.... Nationally, 31% of 18-to-34-year-olds live at home, she said. In New Jersey, that number is 44%, with New York just behind at 39%.
.... "Unfortunately, it takes time to land a good job after graduation. It doesn't always happen right away,' she said. "from what I've heard from students, they are finding some degree of difficulty in finding a job. The place you fall back on is your support network, your parents."
..... An entry-level job might pay around 440,000 to $50,000 or less, depending on the graduate's degree, Jain said. That won't be enough to cover rent, food expenses, and care and student loan payments.
..... "When they have to face the real world, you realize there's all these costs - housing, food, taxes, clothes - they all take a huge amount of money,: she said.
..... "Especially in New Jersey and New York, where the cost of living so so hight."
..... Many young adults may have hoped to be on their own right away, but there are benefits to moving back home, said Lei Lei, an assistant sociology professor at Rutgers University.
..... "Living independently can be an important marker in the transition to adulthood," shes aid. "But those social norms are changing. Don't view this experience negatively or as a failure."

How to make the most of it

..... Families can use the time together to reconnect after being apart. Parents can provide support with job searches and figuring out next steps, while young adults can set aside money they would be spending on rent to save for their own place.
..... "Parents and children need to talk to each other, Lei said. "They should have clear expectations on how they'll share the space and the expense, and also have some fund together."
..... Young adults can use the time living at home to their benefit, Jain said, by saving money, paying off college loans, or taking an internship that could lead to a better job opportunity down the line.
.... For many, getting the own place, even if it's a run-down apartment shared with several roommates, is an important piece of becoming a fully-fledged adult, Caspi said. But "there;s a lot of years in adulthood," he said. In the meantime, they can consider "how to move on to that next step."
..... When Eubank, graduated form college in the late 1980s, she and her friends "couldn't wait to leave home."
..... But now, most of her son;s friends from Paramus, [NJ] where he went to high school before she moved upstate, are living back home with their parents.
..... "It's a different world," shes aid. "It's so expensive. The cost of living is ridiculous. Id' rather he save his money."
..... Nicholas, who graduated with an environmental science degree and is interning this summer [2023] with the New York-New Jersey Trail Conference, is taking this time to build his resume.
..... "I see my job as helping him get on his feet and become a responsible, independent person," Eubank said. "And he's ready to do that. It's just a matter of time. I'm enjoying having him home, because i know it;s not going to last forever."

Parents, do this and not that

* Communicate. Be clear about your expectations while your child is living with you.
* Be flexible and recognizer that your recent college graduate has been living somewhat independently for the past four years and is likely much more mature than the last time they were living with you.
* Recognize that this is a temporary arrangement. Enjoy the time together.

College grads, do this and not that

* Don't view living back home as a negative. It is very common for young adults to be living with their parents, especially in New Jersey, where housing cost are high.
* Use this time to your benefit: Save money, and take jobs, internships or educational opportunities that will help you in the long run with your career goals.
* Help your family with chores around the house and pitch in on bills if you can afford i=to. If you did your own laundry or prepared meals in college, keep doing so while living at home.

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