How families can prepare mentally for school

NJ experts discuss making the transition

By: Mary Ann Koruth
NorthJersey.com
USA Today Network - New Jersey

..... If you're the parent who forgot about school as happily as your child likely did this summer, [2024] then take a breath - back-to-school season is ... back.
..... It's time to contend with rejiggered schedules,, bedtime, test prep, sports, homework and, yes, meltdowns. Including your own.
..... Whether your student will be returning to college or boarding a school bus for the first time, here's some advice for a smooth transition - from counselors and psychologists in higher education, private practice and the state. [NJ]
..... The key difference a parent can make is to keep their ears open to catch any warning signs or comments kids make to their friends or at home that signal anxiety about returning to school.
..... The return to school is as much a "family topic" as a "child-centric topic," said Joe Galasso. a psychologist at Baker Street Behavioral Heath, a Franklin Lakes therapy practice.
..... "Going back to school is a big transition, and I do like to take the family system approach. If a kid is off track with lunch and dinner in the summer, the start to get those kind of family rituals back in order."
..... For kids of all ages, this is when you ease from endless summer days into "a structured and predictable environment," Galasso said.
..... Parents of young children could drive them by the school and plan a trip to the playground before the first day. "It is familiar to them that way, on the first day of school," he said.
..... Having kids see their schedules on a big calendar, to let them visually understand what there day will be like, can also help.
..... For the youngest children, and also for night-owl teenagers, "sleep and nutrition" are critical, he said.
..... That means parents can ensure they have a meal or snack ready when kids get home form school in those first weeks, because they can forget to hydrate or can miss lunch. "Kids forget to drink all the time at school. Making suer that they hydrate at home is important,' he said.
..... Another important tip: Let children decompress right after school. :Know your child - understand that some kids really need to decompress after school, even for 15 minutes before you start asking questions like 'How was your day?'" Glasso said.
..... Meltdowns are not usual -even among high schoolers, he said.
..... "Retiring to school is a transition, and transitions tax your emotional gatekeepers, the things that keep us steady all day," he said. "They deplete over time, and then they regenerate. But our capacity to deal with stress diminishes when we're exhausted.
..... Galasso added: "Not everything is immediately psychological. If they're hungry, if they're thirsty, they're going to act out. "We're going to see these behaviors before we understand what's happening physically.
..... "Even the most well-adjusted child who has a great time going to school is going to be tired," he said, "because it's a change in their routine and their structure. So the more that we as adults can manipulate those things in their environment to help them the more likely they're going to be successful in the first two weeks."

Talk and listen to your child -at every age

..... For a young child, there is likely anxiety over separating from the parent, Galasso said. "Start talking about these things well enough in advance so that it's not an abrupt change. Just start bringing it up, not as a threat that you're going back to school, but hey, we're going back to school in the next couple of weeks. I want to make sure that you know the name of your school."
..... Stephanie Marcello, chief psychologist at Rutgers University Behavioral Health Care, said talking to your college-age student is equally important. "have open conversations," she said. "Sit down, talk with them, try to be enthusiastic, but be real that there;s a big shift that's happening.
..... "You want to support them by normalizing that when we have change in our lives, it can cerate stress, and it's not a bad thing," she said.
..... "Remind them about their ability to adapt in these new circumstances, that they got this and that you're there for them and that you trust them," Marcello said. "reassure your child and tell them they will adapt."
..... Encouraging kids to talk to parents and to people they trust about what they are going through is the first and most important step, said john Paul Simon, assistant director of N4S Bergen, a newly implemented mental health service from the Murphy administration. "If conversation is occurring, the likelihood of support to a child keeping their depression, anxiety, to themselves," he said.

Tips for parents of teens

..... Of kids going to college for the first semester, putting away the smartphone and getting ready to be uncomfortable by trying to engage with people they do not know is critical, Marcello said. "That face-to-face connection where you're really getting to know how to meet new people maters," she said. "There's no uncomfortable anymore - you just look down at your phone versus having to sit there and having to say something to the person next to you.
..... "I thing there's a lot mere pressure in general for teenagers up to 21-years-old, and I think there's a significant impact of social medial," she said. "there's a real loneliness."
..... College freshmen should try to get out of their comfort zone and take advantage of the many activist offered outside class. "One of the most effective things to do is to get out there, to join clubs, to join sports, to go for walks, be with people, be a part of groups," Marcello said. "I thing colleges and universities are doing a lot more to address students' mental health. And so we want to get out there."
..... "College students say emotional stress is among their biggest challenges," she said. "It;s hard when you're feeling like that, because the last thing you want to do is get out there, get a part-time job or go out. But that;s the thing that you need to do.
..... Parents can cerate traditions that show their kids how much they value their education. Plan a celebration for the end of the first semester with your child or do something mice for your kids' roommate , move-in day, said Galasso, such as printing T-shirts.
..... "You're going to do that every year," he said. "It shows them you really value that as a family - they're working toward the completion of something."

Dealing with mental health issues

..... Any back-to-school preparation must consider that today's youth are still affected by the 1 1/2 years or more when they were not attending school in person during the COVID-19 pandemic, said Simon, of NJ4S Bergen, which aims to provide different levels of support to school districts, calculating individualized care for students.
..... NJ4S operates in 15 regions of the state. [NJ] School districts began using it to request services through an Online platform thats opened in April, [2204] Simon said.
..... MJ4S has partnered with several Bergen county school districts to identify students who might be at risk of suicide, by training staff members, parents and stunts to recognize warning signs. The service aims to provide mental health support in community centers such as libraries, and to increase access for parents seeking help for tier children, he said.
..... Schools also want help to address bullying, chronic absenteeism and issues with overall mental well-being, Simon said. About 70% of Bergen County's school districts have requested services so far.
..... Most parents may not see it, but therapists and teachers are still seeing the effect of the pandemic, said Simon, who also runs clinical intervention in school at CarePlus, a private provider.
..... "Schools serve as an institution for youth development. ultimately, outside of your immediate family unit, school is where you develop social skills," Simon said. "that;s where you learn active skills. that's you learn soft skills. that's were you learn active skills. So that got eliminated" during the pandemic.
..... "People who were already feeling disconnected were forced to stay home," he aid. "And isolation is a contributing factor for depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. There were spikes of all of the above during the pandemic and I would say two years after."

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