NJ parents enter murky waters when they say a child is bullied

Student advocate says educators commonly misunderstand law

By" Mary Ann Koruth
NorthJersey.com
USA Today Network - New Jersey

..... Maria Ventura hasn't spent the school year celebrating her eight grader's basketball talent or his good grades. Instead,she has sent numerous emails to school officials in growing frustration over repeated incidents in which her son was bullied, she says.
..... The family's dismay with what they describe as the school's failure to fully address the issue grew to the point that they hired a lawyer, and her husband engaged in such a heated confrontation with eh school principal that the school board barred him from setting foot on the school campus.
..... The family says the since last May, [2022] their son, Evan, a student at Benjamin Franklin Middle School in Teaneck, has been repeatedly mocked and provoked by another boy, who has followed Even menacingly around the school building and circled his table at lunch.
..... The school has taken steps to separate the two boys, but it has also concluded that the incident could not be considered bullying under the sate department of Education's statues, and have described them instead as an ongoing mutual conflict between the boys, with Ventura's son an "active participant."
..... It responded to an official bullying complaint Ventura filed on March 7 [2023] with a letter saying it would investigate despite a "lack of evidence." She has not heard back since, she says.
..... The case illustrates the murky waters many parents must navigate in school districts throughout New Jersey when they make accusation of bullying, only to have school officials conclude differently.
..... Educators commonly misunderstand the law, thinking a bully's attack must be motivated by a protected characteristic such as race, gender and religion, but "any distinguishing characteristic is sufficient," said Stuart Green, an advocate who helped draft the state's original 2011 anti-bullying law.
..... And school officials still have the "primary responsibility for taking action to address and resolve the situation if a student is in social distress with peers for an extend period of time, whether or not it is bullying by some legal or regulatory definition," Green said. "that is the issue."
..... Bullying remains a rampant and widely underreported problem in New Jersey schools, advocates say, and they argue that public schools often skirt anti-bullying laws by failing to report such incidents to the state.
..... State law allows schools to screen complaints before investigation them, but leaving that decision to school officials only adds to underreporting, said Troy Trongone, the school superintendent in Millville, in Cumberland County.
..... His district stopped screening complaints in July [2022] and now treats them all as potential violations of harassment, intimidation and bullying, Trongone said.
..... "There are issues with mental health and student behavior," he said. "You can't disregard complaints anymore - you have to treat each one like it is a bullying case."

'Bulled Kid'

..... In Teaneck, the school district called the incidents involving Ventura's son and another student a "mutual conflict." Even, who loves swimming and writing, described it differently in "bullied Kid," a poem he wrote and published for a class project:
..... I wonder what would happen had bullying not existed.
..... I hear people talking bad about me...being called the n-word.
.... I feel this will never end...
..... Ventura, a mother of three, keeps a sheaf of papers documenting months of exchanges with administrators at Benjamin Franklin school to be able to "to stay on top of the situation" and describes the alleged bullying of her son, mostly by one student and a few friends.
..... The principal and school have tried to step in, but Ventura said their efforts have failed to correct the situation.
..... The other student has pushed Even on the playground and hit him on a few occasions, says Ventura.
On one occasion, Evan hit back, fighting the student and a friend after they approached him when the soccer ball he kicked hit one of them. The school made Evan sit out for the rest of the day, says Ventura.
..... The other boy use to stare and lick his lips when they were still in the same classroom, making Evan uncomfortable, his mother said.

Teaneck's response

..... Andre Spencer, who became Teaneck's schools superintendent in December, [2022] told NorthJersey.com that because the incident involve matters of student confidentiality, the district is prohibited by law from specifically commenting.
..... However, he added, "There seemingly is some confusion regarding the manner in which allegations of harassment, intimidation or bullying are evaluated and investigated under statue, regulation, and board policy."
..... He said that following the process outlined in the state's Anti-Bullying Bill of Rights Act, an investigation 'does not need to be conducted where the allegations, even if true, do not meet the definition of "harassment, intimidation or bullying."
..... For an incident to meet the definition, it must be "reasonably perceived as being motivated by either any actual or perceived characteristic, such as race, color, religion."
..... When the district determines that an incident does not fall within the definition of bullying, it is then addressed "in accordance with the district's general code of student conduct."
..... As a result, Spencer said, "there is no discrepancy in the procedure followed by the district and findings reported to the parents."
..... He also said that information provided to NorthJersey.com by the family was "inaccurate" but did not elaborate.
..... A state Department of Education spokesman said the protected characteristics of race, color and religion - among other listed in the deification of bullying p are meant as examples.

'Tomorrow might be a better day'

..... State law requires schools to take bullying seriously and to act with urgency as soon as they hear of it. Many experts attribute bullying - which can erode a victim's self esteem and increase feelings of despair - tot he uptick in young mental health crisis after the COVID-19 pandemic hit in 2020.
..... The sate Senate's education committee convened a hearing on the issue last month [30'2023] after a teen suicide in Ocean County, Bayville high schooler Adrianna Kurk, 14, took her life on February 3 [2023] following an assault in a school hallway that was posted on TikTok. The school did not decisively to stop the bullying, her father, Michael Kuch, has said.
..... In the official bullying report Ventura filed with her son's school in March [2023] and shared with NorthJersey.com , she wrote, I have witnessed Even begin hit twice at recess and at dismissal and I of course walked into the school and reported."
..... "The stress and worries doesn't end at 3:35 PM.," she wrote. "We get home and have to talk about the ongoing incidents. Sit down had keep motes. Talk about his feelings and how tomorrow might be a better day. He hopeless because it;s an ongoing situation.
..... The school forbade the other student from going near Even's homeroom in late fall, after he began following him, Ventura said. a teacher blocked the student at the door in one instance. another helped Even report him.
..... The onus of tracking the alleged bullying against her son should not be on Ventura, said Green. "Schools are responsible for being aware of bullying and addressing it," because parents might not always knew it's occurring, he said. One of the mysteries in the teaneck situation, he said, "is why the school hasn't apparently fully understood what's been happening and gotten it to stop."
..... The state Department of Education gives schools a score based on their bullying management. But that grade is based on self-reports submitted to the state by school leaders, and there is no third party to substantiate the reports. Schools are incentive to overlook bullying, said Diane Grossman, who championed the 2022 Mallory's law, named for her daughter, a 12-eyar-old from Rockaway Township, who took her own life in 2017.

Lunch in the school office

..... Even now leaves all his classes two or three minutes before the bell, to avoid running into the other student. H eats his lunch in the school office, away from his friends, with children in younger grades.
..... "The school has my some constantly reporting," not the other way around, says Ventura. This means Evan must excuse himself fro class and report any time other student shows up and appears threatening.
..... Days after Ventura filed the formal bullying complaint, Adrienne Williams, the director bullying coordinator, visited Evan to ask for an official statement in an operations room away from the school's main office, Ventura said. Evan was nervous and asked if he could speak to his mother on the phone first, but the school did not permit him to do so.
..... The assistant principal then told Evan he could return to the lunchroom if he wished, but that she would not restrict the other child from entering it for the rest of the year [2023] Ventura said. The decisions left her discouraged.
..... The school has told the boy to stay away from Evan on previous occasions, but according to Ventura and her son, he often ignores those instructions. Even, who dreads meeting the boy, chose to continue sitting out lunch in the school office.
..... Moving a student into a different classroom or activity because of bullying behavior should apply to "the child doing the harm," not the child being bullied, said Green.
..... So when Terence Williams, the principal of Benjamin Franklin, offered to transfer Even to another middle school in the district, Ventura could not understand why her son would be the one removed.
..... "Any time i see the school or the district separating the victim, rather than the bully, I have a problem with that," said Jeffrey Youngman, a Glen Rock attorney who represent parents in bullying lawsuits.
..... Bullying isolates and ostracizes victims, he said. "T further isolate the child by separating him or her rather than the assailant or the bully is counterintuitive," he said.
..... Youngman is also representing a former Teaneck High School basketball team member who says he was sexually assaulted and beaten by prominent team members after a January 2018 basketball game.
..... Two separate lawsuits field by two players against the school district, former administrators, coaches and varsity team members in the summer of 2022 state they were juveniles targeted for bullying by fellow students.

'Finding excuses'

..... In January, [2023] after a verbal altercation between the parents of both children and the school principal, Ventura;s husband, Ivan Jose, was barred from entering the school grounds. "He lost his temper at the principal," Ventura admits.
..... "We feel helpless," said Jose.
..... But she and Jose have also run out of patience waiting for the school to control the situation. "We're frustrated," she said. "It's become an everyday thing. It's the way they have been handling it - or not really handling it. It always feels like they're on the other side and are finding excuses."
..... Schools can deal with a child who's harming others by meeting with the families separately, and "applying reasonably escalating consequences," such as withdrawing privileges or giving the child extra schoolwork, said Green.
..... Bullying is as much a pandemic as youth mental health crises, Youngman said, partly because schools often disregard it or treat it as a nuisance rather than an urgent matter. The impact is not always obvious, except to family members, or when a child suffers something drastic.
..... A school board "ash an obligation to conduct an investigation if it even has a hint that there is bullying," said Youngman, but "by calling this a mutual conflict it screams out to me that the school has already made its determination."
..... Schools are "in loco parnetis," meaning they take the place of the parents and are responsible for children under their care, he said, "Why aren't they assigning a security guard or a teacher or an aide to oversee this other child,,, to make suer that the purported bully is behaving and properly separated from the victim?" he said. "why aren't resources being utilized?"

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